I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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