did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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