I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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