He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
