Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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