you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
