we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
