Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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