Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
