I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
