Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So vagazzling was a success
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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