She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
