trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
