I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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