i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
