I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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