I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
