So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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