my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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