ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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