dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
