fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
