just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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