I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
