I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
