I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
