I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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