why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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