how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
