I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
