i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
then he tried to convert me to islam
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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