All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drake has all the answers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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