come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
