you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
