you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
