toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
