if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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