Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As shirtless as possible
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
