8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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