Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
