based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
