I accidentally had phone sex last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize