The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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