I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
