Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
