Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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