I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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