You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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