Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
