woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
