good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
