I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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