i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
