You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
