My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
