he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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