I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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