i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
