Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
