I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize