Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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