5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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