Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
