Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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