Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
