I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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