Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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