Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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