Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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