she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
