She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
