if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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