do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
