I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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