i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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