I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
