I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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