Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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