you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
